All the News That's Fit to Print . . . .

For anyone that does not know it, the title of this blog is the tagline that's been a part of the NY Times banner since, well since the beginning of the paper I suppose. I sometimes add my own tag, ". . . and some of it that isn't", when I read some of the stories, or even some whole sections of this pretty good newspaper. Anyway, the point of this lead is to say that this morning (Saturnday, 29 July) I opend the Metro section to see yet another murder of yet another innocent, but before I could put the paper down, my eyes moved to Dan Barry's About New York column.

There is no way that I can do Mr. Barry's writing any justice, but a short synopsis:


23 month old son of hardworking lower class family falls from unguarded seventh floor window and SURVIVES with a broken leg and a few bruised but intact organs. This is a kid who was born premature at 3 pounds and has already beat the odds once. He was being supervised, but we all know how easily this could have happened.

Was he lucky? It would be hard to say that he was not. Lucky that he was holding on to a pillow that cushioned his fall, lucky to land on one of the few grassy patches that are found around public housing projects. Lucky to have the caring and support of a strong family.

Was it a miracle? I can't really say, but after reading this story four times, three of them aloud to various friends and family members I am left with a feeling that there is a reason that this boy will remain among us, a reason we may never know, but just the same he is here, he will survive and from what I can glean from the article he and his family will cherish every moment of his life as they have done up to this point -- as should we all.

Movies, 'Tweens, Teens or Adults?

I missed yesterday's post be caught up in the the day's troubles, but when I was able to read through the posts, I was surprized by how much seeming agreement there was on movies and attitudes towards/surprise about adolescent viewing.

As we know, two of "them" live here and surprisingly we can usually all agree on a movie. The adults, of course, have the heavy hand as far as censorship, but we have seen movies like "8 Mile", "Crash", "Dear Frankie", "Black Hawk Down" and "Hotel Rwanda". We have also reached back to see "Boys In The Hood", the original "Manchurian Candidate" and all of the Budd Abbott and Lou Costello pictues. They particularly liked "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" (mom is a Depp fan).Amongst us we have far reaching tastes, but I've always been pleased with my kids' willingness to view most anything. Recently we saw a French film, subtitled of course about boys in an orphanage (it's name escapes me). The dialogue, besides being in French, was rapid fire but I heard little laughs and other acknowledgement that showed they were engrossed.

My children are not allowed to watch "R" rated movies without us either being present or having screen them. Our local video joint (well stocked by the way) will not allow them to rent and "R" rated film, period. I like that little safety net, because they are allowed to rent on their own at 13 and 14. Have they made dumb or probably inappropriate choices, absolutely and "40 Year Old Virgin" comes immediately to mind, but we have educated them about film and continue to do so and frankly I would rather have them watch some "R" rated films that have content to discuss than some of the stuff that is actually marketed to their age group. I am happy when we sit the the movie theatre and they dis many of the trailers as being "too stupid looking". They participate in building the NetFlix cue and do enjoy, as others have said, those '80s films like "Breakfast Club" (watched twice, back to back). They loved "American Graffitti" and even some of the Batman movies, and were truly amazed at how special effects have evolved.

A recommendation: "The Mighty" -- talk about friendship, loyalty and understanding!
and if you haven't tired of Haley Joel Osmant, "Pay It Forward"

DYFS, hopefully not a microcosm

Late in blogging this time, spent the better part of the morning pulling my hair out and contemplating sticking pins in my eyes as I haggled with DYFS over a child I am working with.

Before I go any further, and in my own effort to center myself, let me recommend (no, I am not kidding) a wonderful volunteer opportunity called CASA. It stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate and advocates for children "in the system". As a volunteer you are assigned a case, usually of one child, but sometimes a family and as the acronym suggests, become their advocate. It's wonderful, sometimes sad but always interesting work that really is making a difference in the lives of the children we are able to touch. Needless to say, there are many more children than there are volunteers so many go without. The organization, and the volunteers are held in high regard in family court and often our insights can "tip a case" in a way that brings resolution to the child's life.

Anyway, my case is incredibly tragic, I won't go into it because we have moved so far along a positive road that it doesn't seem important anymore. However, it can be such a David and Goliath thing -- me against DYFS. It would seem we would all want the best for our youngest members -- after all they will be responsible for us in our old age -- but it's surprising how short sighted many of the folks responsible for and advocating for these children can be.

In this case, I have to advocate for the severing of a parent's rights to their child, so hard as I am a parent, but there seems no other way. This kid is so poised to succeed, but he needs to be "on his own" to get the services he needs and his mother has told everyone who wants to listen that she's not interested in or able to take care of him -- so what's the problem??? History, "family values", religion, all the weird stuff that gets in our heads and mixes all around until we are totally confused and not getting anything done. That was my morning.

Still, I highly recommend this work -- have a couple hours a month? Like kids and seeing them happy and successful? Are you resourceful and tenacious? Think about it because kids are waiting for you.

Nightmares

I don't know exactly where it came from, but I had a rough night and definite images from FEED were involved. Was anyone else completely creeped out by that novel?

I know it was set way in the future (the space travel thing is still such a pipe dream and budgets don't play in its favor), but SO MUCH OF IT SEEMED SO POSSIBLE OR WORSE YET, PROBABLE. I was speaking with one of my brothers about it, he's Mr. Tech in our family and he saw many corollarys to the internet, banner advertizing, the sponsorship of stadiums and areans, people allowing their cars to be used as advertisements, etc.
The longer we spoke, the more examples we could come up with.

I was also bothered by the whole "sheep" aspect of the way they thought(or should I say didn't), dressed and spoke aloud. Two years ago, when we toured out beyond the Appalachians, I remember feeling a little creeped out by the lack of diversity amongst midwesterners. I know that's a gross generalization, but seriously, there seems to be one opinion on most topics out there and A LOT of corporate vs. governmental or hey, individual leadership. When I think about my discussion with my brother and back to that trip, I wonder how far we really are from the scenario put forward in the novel.

What really bothers me most is not that the characters were necessarily ignorant (although not the sharpest tools in the shed so to speak), but their general willingness to just ACCEPT things. I am teaching my kids to question everything they hear and read, to be able to defend their positions with real information and thoughtful purpose -- will they be part of a dying breed, like Violet. What happens after a while, do you just give in to the overwhelming power of advertisement and become a totally self absorbed person? It's that handing over of power issue again.

Did anyone see Minority Report?? My husband said it was similar in message, have to NETFLIX soon.

mean Girls, Mean People

Yikes, I almost hate to admit to this, but I enjoyed Mean Girls and have mentioned it to my own 13 year old daughter & her friends, most of whom have not seen it. I guess I thought parts of it were way over the top and I felt a little "led" through the movie -- I don't like that at all. I did like most of the characters, even the ones who were overdrawn, like the mother. Unfortunately, I think I know a couple of women like her, whose dress and conversation does not gravitate far from the dress and conversation of their daughters. My comment about them is always that I already went through hight school, didn't much like it the first time and certainly would not want to repeat the experience!

The girls who were hanging around here last week feel (of course) that while there may be a click or two around school, it is more a matter of hanging out with people you are friends with or comfortable being around. I was looking at their clothing while they were talking and they were dressed pretty similarly with certain brands glaringly displayed. Is it that they dress alike, or is it that there are limited choices. A couple of the girls "shop" at the Salvation Army, but most are mall rats.
My daughter has preferences, but I can't quite figure them out -- she's not a follower, but is picky about color, texture, length and has old favorites she hangs on to long after they are out of style. She says she doesn't care, but I don't know if she is responding to me (I am a strong anti click/style/whatever) person or really feels this way.

I know these girls feel the tug and pull of one another and whomever the "popular" girl is at the time. This role does change hands and I can't figure out what the queen bee's power is based upon. AND, make no mistake about it, she is powerful, even if that power is fleeting. She seems able to make or break friendships, determine who will be invited to parties, who sits with whom at lunch. Then, for reasons I can't determine, there is a new "queen bee". There is lots of talk about this phenomenon between and amongst the girls and they, too, seem to not understand how this happens.

I get irked at their "victim" stance. We've talked about popularity, that it is about power and that power is given -- that they, in essence are giving the power to the popular person -- it seems to fall on deaf ears. Hmmmm.... No one seems willing or eager to dethrone the girls of the moment either. They more or less wait her out, deal with whatever hurts she inflicts and bemoan the situation amogst themselves.

Are they on some kind of learning curve here? Is this necessary to their full development as adult women, I don't know. I do sense that these girls, my own and her friends are amazingly resilient in this area. Not that there are no tears, but they are able to recover rapidly and with little evidence of any deeply inficted ache or pain. I think that's a positive, but again, I don't know.

I ordered a copy of Queen Bees and Wanna Be's for my August pile -- forwarned is forarmed!

Boys, Girls, Comics and Pamela Anderson

OK, so Pamela Anderson is getting married today, what is that about?

Moving on, I have spent many minutes clandestinely looking at my son and daughter in light of the discussion of feminist theory and whole idea of gender. Without a doubt, I see certain actions, activities and hear them say things that definitely put them in one camp or another (male and female).

I tried to get out of them what they think about certain things being ascribed to males or females and I was shocked to hear how "sexist" they were! This is a household of two working parents both of whom hold strong opionions on lots of topics and there is much discourse around our table. Chores are done according to likes and dislikes, (I truly abhor laundry, grocery shopping and ironing, but love to cut the grass and to paint, plaster, etc.)and even though my husband is a chivalrous guy (his mother made him be), it's not a sexist act. He knows I can take care of myself and not only accepts, but respects that fact. There is plenty of "gender bending" in my children's environment, not only from us, but from many of our friends.

How is it that my daughter claims certain books, movies and even COLORS are for boys?
Is there a "pink" gene???? She is a fond reader of books with strong female characters and talks about this, but somehow, someway the message is not translating.
My son told her (even though we all take turns on the monthly chore list), that she should really set the table, it's a "girl" thing. I almost clunked him with the wok!
What makes it a "girl thing" I asked and he said because it happens in the kitchen!!
What, there are rooms in our house that are for men and women . . . I had no idea.
I reminded him how much he likes to cook, but somehow cooking is "different".

Now I am ruminating about whether some aspect of this sex, sexual construction and gender stuff isn't also hardwired . . . I plan to keep the discussion alive.


On another note, our New Yorker arrived yesterday (why I ever thought I could keep up with a weekly magazine I will never know) and as usual I leafed through it quickly to look at all of the cartoons. In light of our reading/because of our reading I really noticed the different styles of cartooning -- Am enjoying the book, even though I had had my doubts, the history of comics and how the senses and brain are involved is very engrossing. There is a lot of art history, politics, marketing, sciene and a host of other stuff going on in this cartooning thing.

Middle East Jitters

I have to admit to a great deal of distraction over the middle east crisis. I am an admitted news junkie and follow a steam of different viewpoints to try to reason my own opions out, but this situation has raised a real feeling of concern in my and I can't seem to just sit back and intellecualize about it.

My family went away for the weekend without me so I could focus in on putting my paper to rights, but this situation has intruded in on my thoughts so a huge degree. It's one of those issues where I have been sure of my opionions in the past, but then have found myself shifting viewpoints. As a former student of early civiliztion, I am intrigued by the very nature of the disputes and often wonder who we (as in the country), who really do not seem to understand the historical push and pull of the area
can make (or not) the kinds of blanket statements we do. Where are all of our scholars and resident experts. Politics as usual, I don't believe, is going to work is this situation. We have ignored this area and its deep rooted issue for some time now and will they and the rest of us (it really is a very small planet)now pay the price for this misunderstanding (deliberate???) and neglect?

Anyone else think this is scary??

What's In A Name?

Adolescence, hmmmm..... Wow, there are so many terms and ideas about something that may very well be completely artificial in some regard. There are religious,not so religious and cultural celebrations, sets of responsibilities that appear out of no where, the onset of the dreaded puberty with all its mostly unpleasant body changes.

Yes, there are hormones (ask any 11-18 year old about their skin and body odor issues), but I am less than certain that they are the sole contributors to the moods and sensitivities of this group of folks.

Also there appears to be a great deal of writing, not all of it particularly "scholarly" about this group and it reflects many, many different opinions as well as a lot of literature for the adolescents themselves to read that "reflects" their life, or helps them to deal with their life, maybe??

I'm feeling a rush of confusion myself and I don't believe it's my hormones!

What's In A Name?

Adolescence, hmmmm..... Wow, there are so many terms and ideas about something that may very well be completely artificial in some regard. There are religious,not so religious and cultural celebrations, sets of responsibilities that appear out of no where, the onset of the dreaded puberty with all its mostly unpleasant body changes.

Yes, there are hormones (ask any 11-18 year old about their skin and body odor issues), but I am less than certain that they are the sole contributors to the moods and sensitivities of this group of folks.

Also there appears to be a great deal of writing, not all of it particularly "scholarly" about this group and it reflects many, many different opinions as well as a lot of literature for the adolescents themselves to read that "reflects" their life, or helps them to deal with their life, maybe??

I'm feeling a rush of confusion myself and I don't believe it's my hormones!

What's In A Name?

Adolescence, hmmmm..... Wow, there are so many terms and ideas about something that may very well be completely artificial in some regard. There are religious,not so religious and cultural celebrations, sets of responsibilities that appear out of no where, the onset of the dreaded puberty with all its mostly unpleasant body changes.

Yes, there are hormones (ask any 11-18 year old about their skin and body odor issues), but I am less than certain that they are the sole contributors to the moods and sensitivities of this group of folks.

Also there appears to be a great deal of writing, not all of it particularly "scholarly" about this group and it reflects many, many different opinions as well as a lot of literature for the adolescents themselves to read that "reflects" their life, or helps them to deal with their life, maybe??

I'm feeling a rush of confusion myself and I don't believe it's my hormones!

What's In A Name?

Wow, there are so many terms and ideas about something that may very well be completely artificial in some regard. There are religious,not so religious and cultural celebrations, sets of responsibilities that appear out of no where, the onset of the dreaded puberty.

Yes, there are hormones (ask any 11-18 year old about their skin and body odor issues), but I am less than certain that they are the sole contributors to the moods and sensitivities of this group of folk.

Also there appears to be a great deal of writing, not all of it particularly "scholarly" about this group and it reflects many, many different opinions as well as a lot of literature for them to read that "reflects" their life, or helps them to deal with their life, maybe??

I'm feeling a rush of confusion myself and I don't believe it's my hormones!